Scrabble Makes Me a Bad Person

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The Friday Flare Up
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Location: D.C., United States
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This blog has been active since: November 2006
Post: Scrabble Makes Me a Bad Person

Scrabble Makes Me a Bad Person

Hello Hello and Happy Friday to all of you.

This week I bring you a glimpse into the dark side of GSR. This is a side that my closest friends and family have all seen, and which I have recently become reacquainted with. The strangest thing about this proclivity is that I am fully aware of it, I don't like it, I don't want to do it, and yet when the right situation arises an impulse kicks in that overrides all common sense. To be specific, when I play Scrabble* I become a competitive dick.

What do I mean by a competitive dick? Well, probably not what you think. I am not the guy who yells and screams and knocks things over when I lose a game. I know how to be a gracious loser (I ask you to refrain from the obvious jokes here).

To be honest it might be better if I was a yeller/screamer as compared to what I actually am: A seemingly pleasant and smiling player who is constantly thinking up ways to manipulate the game to my advantage so that I will win. And by win - I mean destroy you.

Some examples of my dickishness -

1) I Play Cheap: If you play a great word in scrabble that nets you 20 points and I can place an "s" or an "ed" or an "ing" on the end of it when it is my turn I will do it with out thinking.

2) I Play Defensive Scrabble: If you play a word that allows me to reach the holy grail of the Scrabble board - the Triple Word Score - I will play anything that I can to make sure you don't get to use the triple on your next turn. Even if it means putting a 2 point word that only nets me 6 points.

3) I Count Tiles: If the game is nearing its close and I notice that you have 4 tiles left and a letter like "X" or "Z" has not been played (and it is not in my possession) I will rush to use up all of my letters because I know you will take a big penalty. I also typically know how many of a certain letter have already been used, which allows me to use probability to figure out if I have a chance at getting a desired letter from the existing pool of tiles. Could I be a bigger dick?**

4) I Don't Let Up: If I am beating you by 100 points with only a few tiles left in the game AND I get the chance to play a 50 point word by employing my 1st example of being a dick I will take that chance.

5) If I Win I Will Say "Good Game:" Enough said on this one. Past the age of 12, anyone saying good game is also tacitly asking to be kicked in the balls. Grown ups don't want to hear "Good game." They want silence. They want peace. Very often the person hearing "good game" has a hard time not repeating those words in a high-pitched mocking voice inside their own head, which takes us back to the person saying "Good Game" receiving a swift kick to the nuts.

So there you have it. A few weeks ago I told you why I am an asshole. This week I am explaining the ways in which I am a dick. If it makes you feel any better I am working on this problem with the help of a friend and Scrabble partner.

She has taught me that the word "dick" may earn you 11 points*** in Scrabble, but it can cost you some things in real life - namely the ability to walk around with unbruised balls.

This week in comments - How do you act when you are playing games? What is the thing that brings out the competitive dick in you?

*And by Scrabble I mean "All Board Games" . My wife almost broke up with me when I beat her 8 straight times in her favorite game "Clue." She pointed out somewhere around game 3 that it might be smart of me to "not win" a game so that she would remain my wife. This has resulted in us never playing "Clue" again.

**Said in the intonation of Chandler Bing

***22 points if you play it on a double, 33 if you play it on a triple, and if you open the game with the word "dicking" you will not only get double points for all the letters, but you will get a 50 points bonus for playing all 7 tiles. Who knows these things? Dicks like me - that's who.

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